Future note.

I've always read the many SOS calls on the breastfeeding network pages, asking for advise on low yield or sudden decrease in milk production. And during those times, I would always count my blessings, grateful for I'm blessed with bountiful of susu.

Until yesterday!

Woke up, felt that both of my breast weren't as firm and full. Also, the contra lateral boobie dint leak while LilBums was suckling on the other. Something was definitely amiss. Panic stroke. And panic  stroke bad!

Few days ago, I developed a sudden rage of fever. As usual when I develope fever, it's complicated by a bout of generalized hives (the most torturous and annoying thing ever!). I did not stop feeding LilBums, still kept at it despite feeling like I was about to collapse. The only time I stopped, was thru out that nite. Bums said I needed rest, as I really couldn't take it. So decided to thaw one packet of frozen breast milk I've kept stored. I woke up that morning with slight engorgement, and hence pumped it out and got about 6-7oz. That aftnoon I started feeding LilBums again.

I was thus caught off guard, when all I managed to pump out yesterday was a mere 1-2oz. Usually, it'll be a full 8-9oz per session! Damn! I was heartbroken, and very much in years. Not many understood the significance though.

Despite still feeling a bit drowsy and weak, spent the whole of yesterday trying to boost my milk production. Few cups of hot milo + 3 cans of Malta (malt, excellent booster. Usually I only require one can!), had fenugreek tea the whole morning (worker much like a detox for me too!), Mummy made a large pot of red bean porridge (and I hate em red beans, but for the sake of susu I ate almost 2-3 bowls full), had a large bowl of oats for lunch, and fish head noodle soup for dinner. Everything was a milk booster. Apart from that, stimulated production by pumping every 2hours. Although all I got was a mere 1-2oz. Pumped like mad, still.

Was worried if LilBums was insatiable, but he was passing out sufficient wet diapers and poop. He suckled for a much longer time though and he cluster fed mostly, which made my nipples sore and shoulders and arms to hurt. He woke up 4 times thru out the nite, nursed for longer than usual and slept well there after. I guess he was full, coz I needn't use the thawed milk I kept out just in case.

Woke up this morning, and glad my breast seemed a bit more full. But still not as full as I'd like em to be, still gonna be loading on em susu boosters today. Daddy bought shark, which Mummy made into a yummy soup. Whacked one bowl for lunch!

It's been an exhausting weekend. And I feel totally zombiefied. The post febrile myalgia, with the muscle fatigue and the tendinitis is really troubling me. Yet I'm pulling thru. Coz my son needs me, and I know my effort will bear results soon.

I don't know what really killed it. The fever? The one night not feeding? How do many do it every nite and still have susu? Meds? I really had to take a pred jap for my hives (25mg) and took one oral dose of loratadine. 100+? Drank lots of it, instead of water. Lack of oral intake? Hardly had much to eat as I could hardly even sit up. I really don't know. Best part, I don't even know why I developed the sudden fever. No other symptoms, no breast engorgement. Just fever.

I want my normal susu production back. I'm sure he misses his susu abundance too.

I'll continue striving. Today I'm a bit more calm and relaxed.

Tired, yet relaxed. Fingers crossed!

Lesson learnt: never take things for granted.

Thank you.

Sometimes, we forget to be appreciative. Today I wanna express my utmost gratification, for the many blessings I've had so far.

I'm glad my husband is my husband. Someone who tries to make things easier for me. He gets up for Krishaen's nite feeds, and helps out a lot. Sometimes he is clueless, but he still tries and learns how to make it better. He is able to soothe a crying baby, and put him to sleep.. Something not many fathers can do, as young babies will almost always seeks comfort only in their mummies. Today he went out of his way to get me breakfast, making him late to work. We do argue at times, and I sometimes get frustrated with him when things are rough. I sometimes feel we are growing apart as we hardly spend time together like before, only to realize we are closer than ever with Krishaen's presence. We may not be able to go out for a drink or movie as often, but we'll have all the time for that later. Now we spend time burping Krishaen, and watching him coo and patiently encourage him as he tries to turn to his back. He's juggling his work, and his studies, and being a loving husband and a responsible father. He ain't perfect, but it's enough.

I'm glad for my parents, for both Mummy & Daddy have helped me a lot. They look after Krishaen, now that I'm slowly getting back to work. They talk to him and sing to him, so I can have a few hours to myself sometimes. I know looking after a baby is no joke, especially when he is fussy and cranky. I'm glad I have them, and not have to be worried over leaving him with a total stranger to babysit. I know sometimes they are tired, they don't have enough time to mark their books, and plan their lessons. Yet they don't complain much.

I'm glad Krishaen is a healthy cheeky baby. It's hard having to exclusively breastfeed him, and I'm proud I've managed to for the past 97 days. At times waking up in the middle of the nite is so difficult. And at times I get so frustrated that he needs to be fed again, when I felt he just had a boobie full meal! I take it for granted, how I'm blessed with succesful lactation. I get so frustrated how he constantly needs me, sometimes I wish he will sleep more. I feel so exhausted having to always think about his milk stock, and have to pump n pump so he has enough milk when I'm at work. Yet, seeing him achieve a good weight gain, layaning his coos and giggles, seeing him throw his hands and legs in excitement when playing with kumki, his elephant and bobo, the cow.. Brings way too much joy that it always outweighs the frustration. I pray he'll always be a healthy and happy baby.

I'm also glad I'm slowly getting better. Started work, it's hard not coz of the workload but coz I'm exclusively breastfeeding. I'm constantly tired and super exhausted, hence I look forward to tiny pleasures in life like the super yummy Mississippi Mud Muffin from Starbucks! I miss hanging out with my friends, and I feel left out on missin out on outings with the cousins. I yearn to go shopping, as I need new clothes. I wanna go jalan jalan cari makan like last time too. At times I feel like I'm gonna break apart, and yet I pull myself together. And I count my blessings, knowing many may not be as blessed as I am.

Everyday is a journey, and I'll continue racing.